Metasyntactic Variations
by foobar137
Summary: A collection of unconnected short pieces, updated irregularly as inspiration strikes. Ratings no higher than T. Now Showing: No Returns or Exchanges. Amanda knows what she wants, but it's a lot harder for Candace to give it to her than it the little girl realizes.
1. The Care and Feeding of Isabella Garcia-

**This is going to be a place for random short pieces, not associated with any particular timeline of mine.**

**First up: The Care and Feeding of Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, from a discussion with Sabrina06.**

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><p>Isabella stormed into the boys' bedroom, waving the book at Ferb as Phineas chased after her, trying to convince her to stop.<p>

"_What_ is the _meaning_ of this, Ferb?" Isabella shouted.

Ferb looked up from his position on the bed. _Two days earlier than I expected. Interesting._ "I should think that's obvious."

"Did you write this?" she asked, as Phineas stood behind her, unsuccessfully trying to reclaim the book.

"What does the cover say?" Ferb asked.

With a glare, Isabella read the cover aloud. "The Care and Feeding of Isabella Garcia-Shapiro."

Ferb shrugged. "Phineas asked for advice on your relationship. I figured it was easier to write it all down at once."

"How did you know all this? How did you know my favorite cake is red velvet? Or that I love it when I get kissed on...never mind." Isabella blushed.

"Observation," Ferb said.

"You can't have gotten everything from observation," Isabella said. "It's impossible for you to know everything about me. The book can't have everything."

"Pick a number between 200 and 300," Ferb said.

Isabella glowered at him, and said, "273."

Ferb grinned. "Turn to that page and read it."

Isabella flipped through the book. "Here we go. Page 273." She cleared her throat and started to read. "Eventually, Isabella will learn about this book and insist on seeing it, and because you are incapable of denying her anything, you'll show it to her. She'll get upset and say it's impossible for the book to know everything about her. Ask her to pick a number..." She trailed off, reading down the page, her eyes wide.

"Keep reading," Ferb said. Phineas, looking over her shoulder, started laughing.

Isabella sighed. "Ask her to pick a number between 200 and 300. She'll pick 273. Then tell her to turn to that page and read it."

Ferb put his hands behind his head and smiled at her as she flipped through the rest of the book.

"Hey, the pages after that are blank. What's up? Ran out of things to say?" Isabella asked.

Ferb shook his head. "Go to page 274."

Phineas reached over and flipped back a few pages. Isabella read it out loud. "This book is accurate as of the time of writing. Your relationship with Isabella will change as you two grow up together, so you'll need to update it on the following pages. I've given you a start. Now go write the book of your relationship together."

Phineas plucked the book from her fingers and tossed it on his bed, then took her hand and led her out of the room.


	2. Practice Makes Perfect

Thanks to Sabrina06 for help with wording.

Timeframe: everyone is approximately fifteen.

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><p>Phineas and the rest of their friends all trooped into the kitchen for snacks, but Isabella kept Ferb back momentarily with a light hand on his arm. After they were alone in the spacious backyard, she asked him, "He's still not ready yet?"<p>

Ferb shook his head. "He's still figuring out what he wants. Give him a little more time. Soon, I think."

Isabella sighed. She'd been interested in Phineas for years now, and while he'd always seemed receptive to whatever she wanted to do, neither of them had been willing to make that final push to a deeper relationship. Earlier that summer, in frustration, she'd asked Ferb what Phineas's true feelings were.

He'd said that Phineas was interested in her, but hadn't quite figured out what to do about it yet. She'd decided to wait until Phineas was ready, but...she didn't like waiting.

"Thanks, Ferb," she said, and sighed again. Ferb put his arms around her in a reassuring hug, and she hugged him back in gratitude.

They were suddenly disturbed by the sound of a plastic cup bouncing off the concrete apron outside the kitchen door, its contents splashing into the grass.

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><p>Phineas took the last bite of his cookie and washed it down with a gulp of lemonade. <em>I wonder where Ferb and Isabella are,<em> he thought. He'd been fascinated by Isabella for years, and Ferb had told him that the feeling was mutual, but Phineas was still hesitant to take the next step. What if she changed her mind? What if he wasn't ready yet? What if...?

He took a deep breath and drank more lemonade. _Maybe I should build something to increase my courage._

He decided to go see what was keeping the other two. As he passed through the kitchen door, he stopped short at what he saw. Ferb and Isabella were hugging each other. He dropped his lemonade, stunned by the realization that he'd lost his chance.

The sound of plastic on concrete startled the couple, and they looked up at him guiltily. He put on his best reassuring smile. "It's okay," he said. "Really. You make a cute couple. Congratulations on getting together." He picked up his cup and dashed back inside, dropping the cup in the sink. His friends gave him puzzled looks as he ran up the stairs to his room. He collapsed onto his bed, face down.

_I waited too long, and she changed her mind. My fault. I can't blame her for giving up on me._

His two closest friends were seeing each other now. He was happy for them. He'd always wanted both Ferb and Isabella to be happy, although he'd never envisioned them doing it together. But as long as they made each other happy...

It was still going to hurt, but that was okay. Now he knew why Ferb had been asking him about his intentions - Phineas had said he wasn't ready, and that he half-expected someone else to snatch her up before he could. He felt a little betrayed by Ferb, but...it was Isabella's choice who she dated, and if she wanted Ferb, all he could do was appreciate his brother's fine taste in women.

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><p>Isabella watched Phineas run back into the house, and Ferb let go of her as he cursed under his breath.<p>

"I'm sorry, Isabella, I seem to have completely buggered up your plans," Ferb said quietly.

"It's okay. I think it's time to bring this to a head. I'll go talk to him and get this straightened out."

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><p>Phineas lay on his bed, unmoving. A gentle knock on the door indicated a visitor.<p>

"Come on in," he said.

"What'cha doin'?" Isabella asked.

"Just...pondering."

Isabella sighed. "I need to ask you a favor."

He rolled over and sat up. "What?"

She blushed a bit. "Before I have my first kiss with...my boyfriend...I'd like to get in some practice. I want to make sure I'm doing it right. Would you be willing to help?"

Phineas's heart gave a twist. _My first...and probably last...chance to kiss Isabella. I shouldn't. I really shouldn't. Ferb would hate me._

_Okay, maybe I'm more upset with him than I thought. I'm going to do it._

He nodded, and Isabella sat next to him.

"So, what do we do?" he asked.

"We kiss," she said, leaning toward him and tilting her head slightly. He met her in the middle, her lips and his joining. Her lips were soft against his own, and his nose was filled with the smell of her so close to him.

She kissed him insistently, her lips parting and drawing his apart. His tongue slipped forward, and he could taste her strawberry lip gloss. He felt himself leaning into the kiss, their tongues brushing against each other as their mouths widened.

Time slipped away as his full attention went to the girl he was kissing. Somehow his arms had gone around her, and hers around him. He thought about lying down on the bed, bringing her down with him. _No, wait. I...can't do this._ Reluctantly, he broke off the kiss, letting go of Isabella and scooting away from her on the bed.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I...I can't do this any more. I can't get between you and Ferb. Go give him a kiss, even better than the ones you were giving me. I think you've got the hang of it now."

"Why would I do that?"

He stared at her. "Because he's your boyfriend? Because you came here to practice before you kissed him?"

Impishly, she shook her head. "He's not my boyfriend. He's just a good friend who was comforting me because the boy I _am_ interested in is being dense."

Phineas looked at her, puzzled. "Then...who _is_ your boyfriend?"

"I don't have one yet," she said. "But if the rather dense boy I just spent ten minutes making out with is interested in having a girlfriend..."

Light dawned. "Oh. I..." A goofy smile spread across his face. "I think I am. Interested, that is. In you. As a girlfriend. Does that mean more kisses?" he added hopefully.

"Mmhmm," she murmured, removing the distance between them and turning her face up toward his.

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><p>Phineas poked his head into his brother's room on his way to bed that night. "Ferb...I just wanted to say, I'm sorry I didn't trust you when I saw you with Isabella. And I'm sorry I kissed Isabella when I thought she was your girlfriend. And...thank you for everything you did."<p>

Ferb, lying on his bed, said, "You're welcome, Phineas. And...it's okay."

"So, now I need to repay you for all you've done for me. Who do you like? I'll see what I can find out."

Ferb sat bolt upright. "No, that's not necessary. We don't keep accounts."

"I'm serious, Ferb. Say the name, and I'm on the case. Isabella will help, I'm sure."

"No."

"Is it Adyson?"

Ferb didn't respond.

"Gretchen? Ginger? Holly? Are you still hung up on Vanessa?"

Ferb lay down again, still saying nothing.

"Don't you want me to help?" Phineas asked.

"I'll handle it, thank you."

Phineas sighed. "Fine. If you ever need anything, though..."

"I know."


	3. Sign Your Name Across My Heart

**I blame Sabrina06. Just on general principles at this point.**

**Timeframe: 9th grade, age 14**

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><p>Isabella read the extra credit question on her biology test. <strong>Give genus and species (and subspecies if appropriate) for two animals in your neighborhood.<strong> She thought for a moment and wrote down her answer: **Canis lupus familiaris (my pet chihuahua Pinky) and Ornithorhynchus anatinus (my neighbor's pet platypus).**

She glanced over the test one last time, then walked it up to the front of the class. The biology class had fifteen two-person tables in three rows of five, and she'd managed to grab the center-rear table with Phineas when seating was assigned, narrowly fending off three other girls in the process.

Mr. Abernathy glanced up at her as she placed the paper on his desk, then went back to his crossword. She'd finished the test early, but Mr. Abernathy was fine with the students reading or otherwise entertaining themselves quietly until the end of the period. As long as he could do his crossword puzzle in peace, there wasn't a problem. When she sat back down, Phineas was still working, so she opened her spare notebook to practice signatures. She'd been pondering what name to take after she married Phineas. Of course, they weren't going out yet, but she was sure that was just a matter of time.

**Mrs. Isabella Miriam Flynn**, she signed carefully, shielding the notebook from Phineas with her shoulder. _No, too formal_, she thought. _And I don't know if I like 'Mrs.'_

**Ms. Isabella M. Flynn**. _Mom fought really hard to keep Garcia. Can I just drop it?_

**Ms. Isabella Miriam Garcia-Shapiro-Flynn.**_ That's just ridiculous._

**Ms. Isabella G. S. Flynn.**_ I like Miriam too much for that._

**Ms. Isabella M. Garcia-Flynn.** _But then am I being fair to Dad?_

**Ms. Isabella M. Shapiro-Flynn.**_ No, still not right._

She set her pen down and looked at her notebook, frowning. She didn't really like any of the alternatives. _Maybe I just keep Garcia-Shapiro?_

Phineas sat back and stretched next to her, then stood to carry his paper up to the teacher. She quickly closed her notebook. Blushing a bit, she pulled the Stumbleberry Finkbat book she was reading out of her backpack.

Phineas sat down again, pulling out a notebook that he sketched designs in, but he didn't seem to be drawing anything today; he seemed distracted for some reason. After a moment, he raised his hand, catching Mr. Abernathy's attention. "Yes, Phineas?" the teacher asked in a resigned voice.

"May I use the restroom?" Phineas asked.

Mr. Abernathy nodded and waved his pencil toward the door, then returned to his crossword.

As he stood up, Phineas leaned close to Isabella. "I liked the second one, but it's your call, Ms. Flynn," he whispered.

Isabella sat bolt upright, blushing furiously, and Mr. Abernathy looked up and raised an eyebrow before shrugging and writing in an answer. She looked over at Phineas, just walking out the door, and he glanced back with a shy grin before he closed the door behind him.

She stared at the book, unable to read it, trying to think of what to say to him when he got back.


	4. No Returns or Exchanges

**Dedicated to my sister. For reasons.**

**Trigger warning: miscarriage.**

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><p>Candace shook her head as she watched her four-year-old daughter climb the play structure. Amanda was so carefree, so happy, most of the time. And then...<p>

Amanda reached the top and looked around. Candace waved to her, and Amanda sighed and waved back. She climbed down and raced over to her mother.

"Mom! I want somebody to play with!"

"I know, dear."

"I want a baby brother."

Candace kept the smile on her face only through force of willpower. "I know, dear. But I can't just make one happen instantly." She and Jeremy had tried, that was certain. After one accidental pregnancy, they'd assumed an intentional one would happen quickly, but it had taken months, and then gone wrong. They'd waited a few months and then started trying again, but so far...nothing. And then, a month ago, Amanda had decided that what she wanted more than anything else was a baby brother. And she wouldn't let them forget it.

Amanda opened her eyes wide. "Please?"

"I'll see what I can do. Now, go play."

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><p>Candace looked down at the plastic stick in her hand. Two lines stood out, bold against the white material inside. <em>Pregnant. Again.<em> Jeremy came into the bathroom, and didn't even need to look at it; her reaction was enough, apparently, because he took her in his arms. She relaxed into him, tears forming.

"It'll be okay," he whispered. "We'll make it."

"They never did figure out what happened...last time," Candace said quietly.

"I know. Sometimes it just happens. We'll be fine. Call the doctor, let them take a look."

"I will. Don't tell anyone yet, though. Just in case. Especially not Amanda."

Jeremy nodded.

They walked out into the living room, where Amanda was playing with her wooden toy trains. She looked up at them and smiled. "Choo choo!" she said.

"And how's my favorite girl?" Jeremy asked, sitting on the floor across the train table from her. Candace took a seat on the couch, gently.

"I'm okay, Daddy," Amanda said. "Do I get my baby brother soon?"

Jeremy laughed. "Not sure yet, Amanda. We can't rush these things."

Amanda nodded and pushed a train so it rolled down the mountain.

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><p>"Twins?" Candace asked, twisting to see the ultrasound screen. Jeremy squeezed her hand.<p>

"Twins. Looks like they're both boys," the technician said.

"Twin boys," Jeremy said. "Amanda's going to be thrilled. Two baby brothers."

"I think it's time to tell her," Candace said.

They rushed home, where Linda was playing blocks with Amanda.

"So, we have an announcement for you..." Jeremy began. Linda smiled and nodded, obviously expecting it.

Candace knelt down next to Amanda. "You're going to be a big sister. With two baby brothers."

Amanda gave her a smile, but shook her head. "I changed my mind. I want a pony instead."


End file.
